THOR, and/or a perfect example of why I started this stupid blog.

I like Thor. A lot. He is a really interesting character and over the years his mythology (real-ish) has become fused with Marvel's (fake-ish). Lots of weight goes along with him, God, King, Hero, Human-ish. Often it seems that writers can't decide on how to deal with him exactly, however he is near and dear to people's hearts. Except it seems for the people at Marvel Studios.

There I said it.

I am not a writer and don't pretend to be, all of that will become clear when you keep reading this spoiler ridden musing on the motion picture THOR. But I did start this blog to have some kind of outlet for all of my frustrations in the small hope that someone important might read it and listen so that the movies that I want to see will get made. Here are the bullet points in sloppy prose of my feelings about THOR.

 To reiterate SPOILERS AHEAD.

The trailer was terrible and gave me pause for concern about the movie. I was right.

Kenneth Branagh is a good director sometimes. Sometimes he is not. He should not have been put in charge of this movie. He does not have a particularly interesting style, and if he is not totally invested in the material it suffers. This seems to me to be a time when Hollywood called up an established director and asked him to do a big budget movie the likes of which he had not done before. An effects driven movie when he wanted to do more of a character piece and was being told by producers and studio heads how to design the movie. Too many cooks. I also feel like Branagh wasn't invested.

Two people wrote the story, three DIFFERENT people wrote the screenplay. Go to IMDB and look at their credits. See if you can figure out what in their past would give you confidence that they could write a good THOR movie. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt that they, all five of them... were big Thor fans. Probably not though. Also, seeing as how Silver Surfer was such a big critical and box office success its good they got that guy.

The movie started great, with simple mystery, a little humor and some good simple action. Then we go back in time to the year 932 C.G.I. There is narration and quick glossing over of exposition with a bad CGI battle that seems like less than. We then focus on Asgard which is flat and double sided and awesome looking. Until we see the pipe organ palace that sets off all the alarm bells in my head. The design seems too easy. All of it. There is very little attention to detail. Everything is smooth and basicly geometric which is fine, but WETA (God bless them) set a standard which we must adhere too, particularly for the big budgeted franchise movies. All the costumes look like fancy versions of store bought halloween costumes. A friend of mine wrote a great article about Thor's costume over the years in the comics. Here is the link:   There is also background about the character and the comics. Clearly The Ultimates influenced the design of Asgard. This is a shame. I would liked to have seen some more Norse and Celtic and pure badass Viking influences. Bryan Singer addressed the page to screen costumes of superheroes in the first XMEN brilliantly. Just because it works on the page doesn't mean it works on film. Although Loki looked so much better than I thought he would. Part of that is because Loki was amazing.

Tom Hiddleston seems to have come out of obscurity to his first step to a huge career. He was the most talented and interesting actor onscreen. Subtle, Nuanced and with a great character arc.

Natalie Portman was the second best. Playing her reality as well as the heightened situation. She was adorable and understated.

Chris Hemsworth was also great. He reminded me of Ledger, a lot. He had gravitas and charm.

Hopkins was 50% disappointing. He seems to be doing that a lot in his old age. The Other 50 was extremely powerful.

A big shout out to Kat Dennings, she elicited the first true audience reaction. Honest Laughter.

Colm Feore was wasted as the Frost Giant.

They sucked. The were boring. If you are going to design a creature as though it was from Star Trek, go ahead and don't do much of it in CGI. If you are going to go to the time of creating somethin in a computer make it good. I didn't get anything from their culture or biology that was interesting or intimidating.

Same goes for the Warriors Three and Sif. Who are they? Why should I care about them? If I missed the on sentence about their background in the film and had never read a comic I wouldn't know anything about them. ZERO character development.

When Thor gets banished to Earth, the movie becomes great. A small desert town is the background for this God's first trip to Earth. Humor and chaos ensue and the gravity of his situation sinks in.  This is the best part of the movie. Stan Lee's cameo is his best yet, reference's to the comic are great. The Donald Blake bit is superb. 

Clark Gregg and all the S.H.I.E.L.D. stuff is spot on with what we've come to expect and hits on par. They do love their Acuras and Burger King though.

Nothing terrible special happens. Thats the big problem. Hawkeye is introduced and it is really cool. I wish I hadn't known about it before hand.

The movie is bland and heartless at points. It seems generic to a point. And why was Rene Russo in it? Did she get bored? They final battle was great; Thor rests his hammer on Loki' which is awesome, and destroy's the rainbow bridge, leaving the woman he loves forever in doing so. Odin shows up there is a heartfelt moment, Thor wants to save his brother, but he generically falls into the green screen and it looks like crap just like all other movies. 

Basic Denouement.

The score was also Kirkland Brand.

The sound was great, I don't know why but I really really liked it.

One thing that bugged me was how easy Thor's magic was. We never really learned where it came form or why. I get the whole Magic and science as one thing. It makes sense when packaging this to the masses and it does explain some of the design elements, but I would like to know the history of it. Thor is less impressive as an alien than as a God. I don't like the idea of their being no magic in this universe, particularly if they are going to do do a Strange film.

I do want to say that whoever designed the Rainbow Bridge is a genius. There was a huge chance that it would look very Mario Kart. It did not. It looked like a digital bridge that was made with magic. WHich I am assuming thats what they were going for. 

In closing, I liked seeing the tree of the universe during the credits.

The little post credit teaser thing was a huge disappointment. It was lame and did not get me excited or geared up for what was coming next.

I think Thor will be more interesting in the dynamic of The Avengers rather than this Asgard. He was more interesting on Earth as a fish out of water than in his element. He will be a good foil for Steve, Tony, hopefully Bruce and the rest of the gang. I'm excited to see his dialogue with Fury. 

I wish Favreau would return for Iron Man 3. X-Men 3 wasn't very good and I think it's because the director changed. So often we get a third movie that isn't up to par with the previous installments. (we are all thinking about it but I won't way which one in particular is the worst offender. But it was a waste. I would like for the rest of what Marvel has planned to not be.

Punisher War Zone was atrocious. This is the only time I am going to get an opportunity to say it because I refuse to spend any more time on it.

Captain America looks like a better film. The cast is just as good if not better and if it is as good as Jumanji it will be great.  The fact that it isn't coming out Fourth of July weekend is ludicrous. Who in their right mind would rather see Transformers than Captain AMERICA that weekend?

This is long and has gotten off topic. So in closing:

Dear Marvel and Marvel Studios,

You are new to this game. Look at how DC went down the toilet and now Chris Nolan is revamping their whole line. Wonder Woman might not happen, (I sort of hope not), and you have been getting some shit reviews. Don't let Wolverine happen again. Get some people who know what they are doing to be in charge of everything, and don't worry about money because that turns things into the lowest common denominator. People will see your movies no matter what, make them so people want to see them over and over again.

Thank you.

The Adjustment Bureau

This movie caught me by surprise. I went to the theatre and had missed Rango. The Adjustment Bureau was playing, I like Damon and Slattery and conspiracies so I gave it a shot.

Here is what I expected:
Damon is running for Senate, some government conspiracy is behind him getting elected to office ala Manchurian Candidate, when he goes off the grid the shit gets real. Based on the trailer I expected it to be shot well and look good.

Here is What I got:
A love story. A really good love story that had a supernatural conspiracy as the backdrop. Also it was shot very well and looked very clean, slow pans added to the otherworldlyness of the story. No one acted poorly, some of it was one note but it worked. Emily Blunt who hasn't been memorable in the other two movies I've seen her in was near flawless, playing her character to a T.
What I took away from the story was that nothing can stop true love, even if you want something to stop it, it won't happen. I don't usually walk away with that, in general its, "ahh thats nice they love each other."





SPOILERS
The whole spiritual, God and Angels thing threw me for a loop, but they acknowledged that it was a strange concept and didn't dwell on it and then let it go. That was great. It didn't overshadow anything.
It dawned on me that I wanted to know if everything worked out in the end. Then I thought about it and realized it was perfect that it was open ended. I knew that all their dreams would come true.

He used to be cool: Tim Burton

I have been trying to focus on something to write about. Oscar weekend came and went. I didn't really care, Anne Hathaway was hot and Melissa Leo said fuck. beyond that I was pretty apathetic. I saw most of the Best Picture Nominees and my favorites were Inception and Black Swan. i thought they were really and truly unique and breathtaking. Toy Story 3 made me cry twice, which is a feat because I didn't really bug out about that whole Old Yeller getting shot thing when I was 6. oops Spoiler Alert!!! And I was not impressed by the king's speech enough to give it a Best Picture statue. It just didn't do it for me. Social Network was Really fucking good. Really fucking good. But needless to say nothing out of the ordinary happened in it. I think I lean more towards the fantasy/fiction side of movies. Anyway... I didn't really want to get into that because I don't have much more to say than has already been said, and don't feel too passionately about it anyway. However, I do have one thing that I do feel passionately about, and hopefully it will lead to a new article every once in awhile. Tim Burton used to be cool. Now he isn't and he just won two Oscars (I know it wasn't him but still). Many people used to be cool and now are not. M Night, and Lucas are the biggest offenders, and I hear about them all the time on the internets. However, I don't hear about Burton. Perhaps I am not on the Hot Topic message boards enough to be exposed to it, but I feel Like there I would hear about how great he is anyway.
So, here we go....

Tim Burton used to be cool. Groundbreaking visuals, unique stories and characters, subtle approaches to grandiose ideas, and grandiose ideas to subtle ideas.

Tim Burton is now lame. More of the same visuals, old rehashed stories and trite characters. Grandiose for grandiose sake.

Below is an abbreviated filmography that I stole directly from IMDB.com which I will go ahead and say is one of the most useful websites out there. Nightmare, isn't in there because he didn't direct it, but it was  93 and he did write and produce.

Frankenweenie (filming)

 

2010Alice in Wonderland

 

2007Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street 

2005Corpse Bride

 

2005Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

 

2003Big Fish

 

2001Planet of the Apes 

1999Sleepy Hollow

 

1996Mars Attacks!

 

1994Ed Wood

 

1992Batman Returns

 

1990Edward Scissorhands

 

1989Batman

 

1988Beetle Juice 

1985Pee-wee's Big Adventure

 

1984Frankenweenie (short) 

Now it just so happens that my favorite Burton films are his first four major studio productions. PeeWee, Beetle Juice, Batman, Scissorhands. I don't much care for Returns, and then I like Ed Wood and Mars Attacks and Nightmare. This is when it starts going to hell.

The hilarity and dark twisted humor and vision that he has, the otherworldly images that seem to fit in perfectly to the story (in my opinion best exemplified in his first four) get lost. New technology is available and he can do whatever he wants and has to think less, sound like anyone else we know? After Mars Attacks he does one original movie. And THAT was Corpse Bride. Big Fish doesn't count because it was a novel first. And all of them are remakes that were done better decades before. Now, in his first four, he did do Batman. But he redefined it, and that is only a quarter.

Sleepy Hollow, Planet of the Apes, Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, Sweeny Todd, Alice in Wonderland. All better before. That sucks, If you are going to redo something do it better or not at all.
They are just bland and unimaginative. It seems as though he has hired a team that understands his visual style and they create everything for him and he just is along for the ride. I'm having trouble, but I can't really think of a unique scene in any of these films that defined or redefined, or was breathtaking. True I didn't finish Alice but I doubt there was anything cool in the last hour.

I feel like I need to do a much bigger article than I had originally intended to get my point across.

Basically, he is recycling and rehashing his own ideas and those of others and that is a shame, because he has some wonderfully unique movies under his belt. Sit and watch Beetle Juice and Edward Scissorhands then Watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Alice in Wonderland. Crazy different in quality.

So,

Dear Tim Burton,
Think of something that you have always wanted to do.
Give yourself a limited budget.
Don't hire anyone you have ever worked with before.

Try these simple rules and see if you can't come up with an innovative and inspired film again.


To bring everything back to the original rant: Alice did not deserve it's two Oscars. Black Swan (which wasn't nominated) should have received art direction. And anything else deserved costume design (I say True Grit).


Addendum
I am not saying anything flat out but during my limited internet research I came across these interesting facts.

From Ed Wood to Planet of the Apes Tim was involved with Lisa Marie. Then From Planet of the Apes to present day he has been with Helena Bonham Carter.
Both of them were in Planet so that must have been awkward, but the point being it seems that when he isn't getting any he makes better movies.
Helena almost seems to be better when she is not in your movies. Same thing goes for Depp, well at least now anyways.

Black Swan

105%

This is the Scariest movie in the last five years. This is also a great reminder about why not to date dancers. Using visual slight of hand Darren Arronofsky takes on a journey through the downward spiral that is a performer's obsession to become perfect. Natalie, Barbara, Mila and Vincent deliver extremely well thought out performances, well crafted and detail oriented characters that always keep us on our toes about what their true motivations and endgames will be. Also, Winona did a wonderfully sublime job as an aging prima ballerina. If this is the kind of work she will be doing rather than Spock's mom I support a comeback.

I'll tell you why everyone is going apeshit about Natalie's performance, its not because she prepped to be a dancer it's because she lost Natalie along the way. She became the character rather than an actress. She allowed the audience to sympathize and feel for here and want to follow along, and then took us down a path where we began to cheer and jeer for here, we want her succeed and then we are disgusted by how she does it. 

In the hands of a less skilled director this would have been chaos and heavy handed. His usage of black and white and then select pieces of color, particularly light pink, adds something to the background but in such a way that isn't an obvious device. The same story goes with his use of special effects. There is just enough to achieve the desired effect but it doesn't go overboard. In fact, often it is cut off before you can even see what is going on. The edits at times can be quite quick only giving you a glimpse into Nina's psychosis. Or long and drawn out creating a tempo that keeps the audience always an arm lengths away. Reeling us in and then letting us swim away and back and forth until we can easily predict what is to come next. The trick is once we predict correctly, the rules change and something unexpected happens.

Never before have I seen what is going on inside a character's head described so well visually. Perhaps I am forgetting something, but I don't think so.

SPOILERS 

My 5 favorite parts:

Nina discovering her mother asleep in the same room while she is masturbating. Terrifying.

The physical transformation, particularly the legs and feather, into a swan.

Barbara Hershey.

The window into what a performer and performances is like, a very real depiction of both.

The score. Dear God Clint Mansell is awesome.

The reason this movie didn't get a perfect score is due to the following reasons:

Nina describe her performance as perfect. Thing is she muffed the lift in the first act and fell and hurt her knee. So it was almost perfect. Maybe I am a bigger cynic than I thought but that really bugged me. I mean she cried about it and stabbed herself because of that one mistake, so.....almost perfect.

At times the grainy-ness of the picture took away, but they were few and far between and hard to avoid.

I didn't feel like Lily's story was resolved.

There were no jokes, I needed a little bit of relief from the drama. Lily got close but it wasn't lighthearted.

It was hard for me to take the scene outside the concert hall seriously, because that is where Bill Murray spins in Ghostbusters.

Okay that last one was bullshit: but see how humor helped break up the rest of the review...

The Human Centipede: First Sequence

I give it a 65%. (Spoilers follow)

It delivered exactly what it promised. Three people are conjoined anus to mouth to create a siamese triplet connected through their gastronomical tract.
Well its almost what it promises; three people mean 12 limbs which isn't exactly a centipede but you get the point.

It fits in its genre and I like the direction and 90% of the acting. I love the way it is shot and enjoy the subtitles.

Two dumb American girls are touring Europe there car gets a flat and they go looking for help. But rather than walk down the road they go into the woods to find help. There is my first problem. I don't feel sorry for them because they are idiots. The main lady in Hostel 2 is a badass and so I cheer for her.

They knock on a door and a man who is clearly a bad dude, there isn't even an attempt at suspense to make it feel like they are safe, answers and asks questions that are super suspicious. The girls go in and are drugged. They wake up in a hospital setting and are told the plan to conjoin them.

The first girl escapes (notice How I am not using their names because I don't know them) and acts like an idiot when trying to escape, and then there is a really good scene in a pool. I won't ruin it for you. But needless to say she doesn't escape because she sucks. Then we get the operation.

It is gruesome and gut wrenching although I am sure to very medically accurate.

The next 30-40 minutes is about life as a human centipede.

Then it gets a little cool and there is a police investigation, the centipede fights back and attempts escape up some stairs (which is handled really well, both directorially and by the creature itself), and then there is a final show down and its gruesome and terrible.

I didn't really like it.
-------------

The way the movie is shot reminds me of TEETH which is a much better "what if.. movie" but technically the film is very clean and has a very specific style which I really like. It was simply laking in depth. The camera work feigned it a little bit but not enough.

For example I never got to find out why creating this centipede was necessary. What is up with this doctor and what is his motivation? Obviously I care about these characters to the point that I don't want them to be in this situation but I don't have any personal connection to them. Very little development.

The two girls that we have been with from the beginning are the middle and the end so we don't get to hear what either of them have to say because their mouths are sewn shut, and the front piece is this Japanese guy that doesn't speak english and I don't care about.

Its just a weird movie that has no point. I mean really no point. Maybe its me but I just shut down and wasn't even really grossed out by it after a while because I just didn't care, it became nothing except a little obscure movie that now I can talk about having seen.

The Doctor says that he doesn't like human beings and likes dogs. He also treats the centipede like a dog. this movie would have been better if that was the way it went, he tried to turn a man into a dog. I think that would be more grotesque and more realistic thusly more scary.

The Descent 2 is a bogus Sequel.

I feel that after speaking about how great The Descent is I should talk about how bad The Descent 2 is. This seems to be a theme for horror films....alas.

Toy Story one two and three were all superb.

But then again Woody never went into the "hood".

So remember everything that was good about The Descent? Now do that all over again but not as well more rushed and less creative with boring characters.

I don't have much to say except that the highlight of the film was when a crawler shat into a hole. Thats right poop was the best part of the movie. It was simply uncreative and 2 dimensional. Was it that they rushed it into production or that they just didn't care because they just wanted some money...?

There is a novel of the same name, which I have not read, but it is apparently about several stories that interlock in different locations and delves into the idea of these creatures and how their culture works. Why can't we have that? instead we are stuck with a story that takes place 5 minutes after the first one ends. Sometimes this is cool. Instead we are stuck with the exact same formula as the first one with less impressive visuals and thats about it. A stereotypical southern cop and some cave experts go down into the caves to investigate what happened in the first one. The design of the crawlers changed a little for no reason.

Now if this had taken place in a new cave with new characters a new creature design would be cool. But they look different and the timeline is like a few days later. Explain that to me.

I don't care about these characters and I don't feel involved in their plight. Partially because many of the tricks used for scares in the first one are recycled.

28 Weeks Later was a great sequel and we will talk about it later, but the reason it was great is because it was a true sequel, an extension of the first story, new scares new characters and new locations helping to create an expanded universe.

Things are just recycled and rehashed as is the case with most sequels, they just find new horrific deaths for people. This is a shame. When you look at how 28 Weeks Later and Scream 2-3 and Hostel 2 and all of the Aliens and The Evil Dead and Army of Darkness and all of the Of The Deads can do it, its a shame when others can't. Friday the 13th part might actually be the best not my favorite but it creates a new character / villain and is superior as a standalone than the first one.

There we go. I just figured it out. ALL SEQUELS should stand alone without the previous ones. They should be their own movie and can have all the inside jokes you want and must play well with the first one but should be their own movie.

Dishonorable Mention: Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows - Bogus movie but they did not try and capitalize off of the same tricks in the first one, they made their own movie and it was a great sequel except for the fact that it wasn't very good.

I am watching Human Centipede right now. Expect a mention about it soon.

Talia al Ghul

Well now it seems like Talia is a role that Nolan is looking to cast in The Dark Knight Rises. I hate this idea because it never crossed my mind and it is a great idea. I love it when things bookend and become full circle. However the story line that I wanted to see with Catwoman I do believe will happen with Talia. So Just a different character. It is such an obviously well thought out quality choice that it proves that Nolan is the man to be in charge of the series. I could not be more excited for this.

Stupid DVD Editions

This is a short one.

Special Editions and Unrated Editions and Director's Cut Editions drive me up the wall.
I just wrote about The Descent and how I don't really like one of the endings. I saw one in the theatre and I saw a different one after I bought the DVD. Silly comedies have UR8TD Versions that have 4 extra seconds of boobs. Uncensored horror films have more gore and usually more boobs. Often times Director's cuts don't have anything to do with the director's vision or anything its just the original cut before a few changes were made to get it the rating they wanted.

This is all well and good. They exist to make more money and I got that. All I want is the option to watch both versions. Thank you Alien Quadrilogy. Thank You for giving me the ability to compare and contrast and having written and video intros to explain what happened and why.

Thank you Van Wilder of all things for giving me the option to choose between the two and having a nice menu change, seriously check it out its brilliant, to differentiate between the two. But that has lead to all of the National Lampoon straight to DVD releases being Unrated as though they were ever rated to begin with, yes they are unrated but come on.

I would like the Lord of the Rings special editions to have that option. I am told in the booklet what is new and what is theatrical but it would be nice to see them back to back in order to compare and contrast. Yes, I am that guy.

The Richard Donner cut of Superman II is cool, because it shows an entire different movie, and is billed as such.

Most Special Editions just have a few extras, the only ones that I am guaranteed to appreciate are the Criterion Collection ones. Good Job Criterion.

Also, Some of those special editions that come in fancy cases and have some kind of souvenir in them are the exact same disc and nothing really special. At least change the graphic on the disc and a little bit of the features, or do you just have a bunch lying around and you want to get rid of them so you repackaged them?

Also, Also, Shout Factory is kind of a cool company.

The Descent of Monster Movies

Part 2 of my Horror Movie breakdown thing.

Monster movies are rough. What constitutes a monster you ask?

1.

a legendary animal combining features of animal and human form or having the forms of various animals in combination, as a centaur, griffin, or sphinx.

2.

any creature so ugly or monstrous as to frighten people.

3.

any animal or human grotesquely deviating from the normal shape, behavior, or character.

4.

a person who excites horror by wickedness, cruelty, etc.

5.

any animal or thing huge in size.

6.

Biology.

a.

an animal or plant of abnormal form or structure, as from marked malformation or the absence of certain parts or organs.

b.

a grossly anomalous fetus or infant, esp. one that is not viable.

7.

anything unnatural or monstrous.

That is what the internet has to say. So I am going to go with that.
In regards to monster movies I want to go with the idea that the monster is the central Antagonist, if the monster is the Protagonist it is generally a character piece and isn't really a horror film. This is another good example of how lines get blurred and the genres cross. I mean there are man made monsters, magic monsters, space monsters, and just monsters so again this is hard to really do correctly but I am going to give it a shot.

11. Mimic -
I saw this movie once when I was a kid and it scared me. So it gets honorable mention. Mira Sorvino creates a new kind of cockroach thing to help create a cure for this disease that is killing a bunch of children, then it gets released into the city sewers and evolves like 1000 time faster than expected and starts killing people. It generates limbs that when put together over it's face it looks like a human and its also really tall. This is a good example of a man made monster, science comes back to haunt us and is part of our downfall etc. etc. etc.

10.Tremors -
Campy. Awesome. I love Bacon and this is classic Bacon. There is a good amount of mystery as to what the monsters look like for part of the movie and as to what is going on, I also like that it takes place in a small town. Its really scary to think that you can't touch the ground. Don't get off the bed because the monsters will get you, don't step on the red tiles at the mall because they are lava. Its a base primal fear for some reason.

9. Hammer Films-
I would be remiss if I didn't include these, but I am going to lump them together. I have a problem with Movies that are dated and don't work anymore being anything other than classics. Its hard for me to accept something as the "best of" if I don't enjoy watching it anymore. Also most of them have the Monsters as the main characters not the baddies. Dracula is a little of both but The Wolfman and Frankenstein (Particularly Frankenstein) focus on misunderstood monsters. The Creature movies less so. HOWEVER, they did set the ground work for every monster movie, for better or worse, that followed.

8. Gremlins-
Those little guys were fucking brutal. I mean they really fucked things up. Now I think of this movie primarily as a comedy but it does get scary and its very rare that you get a posse of monsters rather than just one. I think that is what I like. That is why I like Zombies the fact that there is more than one, they can help each other out in wrecking havoc. Gizmo is cute and he helps out too. THere is a nice little romance in there too.

7. It-
This movie is best example of what I hate about Stephen King. He has an idea. It is really scary. There is some human drama in there. And then it turns out to just be some big monster that doesn't have anything to do with anything.
Pennywise = Scary and helped many of my friends believe that clowns are actually scary, this movie made that fear trendy.
Giant Spider that can only be killed with a piece of silver from a sling shot = dumb.
Anyway, Pennywise is definitely a monster and is definitely scary.

6. Brotherhood of the Wolf -
I really like this movie but a lot of people hate on it. It starts great, There is a long mystery of who and or what the monster is, There is a nice gothic classic romantic tone to the whole thing. It is sincerely horrifying at times and drags on just the right amount for suspense to take hold.

5. Slither -
Oh man, This movie shouldn't be as good as it is. If you watch the trailer you assume that it is going to be stupid and a big budget B movie. Here is the thing is it is a low budget A movie. Michael Rooker is awesome and so is Elizabeth Banks. Nathan Fillion is perfect for the leading man, and I don't even care about the dumb space story. There are some truly grotesque moments that pull on heartstrings. Wonderful human interactions and again plays on base and primal fears. Slugs and Slime. People don't like slime. I mean who doesn't flip out when seaweed touches them. HP Lovecraft knew it. The other fear is being possessed by some creature or having something happen to you internally that alters how you look and what you feel. Think about tapeworms, gross.

4. Monsters Inc. -
The monsters are the protagonists. That is easy to overlook because they are also the villains. I like it when new worlds and mythos are created, particularly if they explain something that we already know and except but never explored. Pixar has some wonderful way of making me care, a lot, about all of there characters I am always drawn into their world and feel real danger and excitement for everyone involved.

3. The Host-
Another foreign film on this list. I wonder if that means anything.... Anyway, I didn't really want to see this but went to the theatre with a buddy of mine. Pleasantly surprised. So often what happens nowadays is that directors will use the Jaws format and we will see very little of the creature and then at the end there will be a reveal where we get to see it in its horrifying entirety. The problem is that isn't horrifying. It is either so detailed that we are curious about how it works, or we don't see enough of it and we want to know what it is and how it works, or we haven't been set up for it, or it is bad CGI and we don't believe it exists. The Host somehow does all of these things right. We see a lot of the creature, a lot of it, and maybe that is why it works. We see so much of it that we become desensitized to it and then learn to accept it. Also I like that it is about a family that just wants to be together and be happy. What a good group to fight off a monster.

2. Cloverfield -
This is a gem of a movie. One of the best 100 movies of all time along with #1 on this list. Godzilla and his pals are not on this list because they are not scary, they aren't horror films. Monsters yes, but not really scary. They are just so grandiose that I never get scared. Big wide shots show monsters battling and make them more like brawl movies with a bunch of destruction. And even as a four year old I didn't believe them.
Moving on, see the monster attack from street level, looking up not at. This makes the attack more relatable. We also spend like 20 minutes getting to know the characters intimately, their ins and outs and motivations outside of survival so we feel for them. The monster is just the backdrop for the human psyche under duress and is more of a catalyst than an antagonist. Also small bugs fall off of it and are scary as shit. We don't really get the full story of the attack, it is limited to what a small group of characters experience and that level of intimacy is what makes it horrifying. I love the view from a handheld, if you don't get motion sickness from it don't think of it as a gimmick but a wonderfully executed storytelling device that has only worked here and in Blair Witch.
Also, TJ Miller steals the movie.

1. The Descent -
To reiterate this is one of the greatest movies of all time. The crawlers are the most terrifying creatures to be created in a long time. So close to what humans would be without civilization. You just know that there is no way to stop them, they will keep coming faster and stronger than before. But the brilliant part of this story is that there are two things going on. Yes there are some crazy monsters attacking our heroines but they are also trapped in a cave. Claustrophobia. Everyone suffers from it at some point in time. Especially if it is in a strange place. They even list all of the problems that can occur from spelunking at the beginning. The lighting and camera work are spot on and add an air of uncertainty as to what is going to happen next.
I like how the cast is all ladies. I don't know why. Maybe because gender wars don't come into play and they are all fully capable of handling the situation...well sort of. But seriously who would be. It is brilliant in its simplicity. Characters want to get from point A to point B and there are monsters in their way. True there is some personal shit going down that gets in the way, but i don't really care about any of that. Although it doesn't ruin the movie, it does sort of ruin the ending. The theatrical ending I was here in the US was great. The unrated DVD, and I think the UK release ending is not as good. It is unnecessary and brings up an idea that was never touched throughout the rest of the film. Other than that the movie is perfect, and that is clearly something that is based on the, release money making dvd lost in translation type things that happen today.

Thats it for now.

Auto Tune vs. The Loss of Magic

Hello Internet,

When is enough enough? Are we at the point where we celebrate and idolize people that cannot do their job without the help of a computer? Did Frank Sinatra have auto tune or did he just sing well? and by well I mean awesome.  Did Steve McQueen hire twelve stuntmen to ride a motorcycle for him. Did Charlie Chaplin employ 32 computer engineers to change his facial expressions because they weren't spot on or did he just do another take? Did Picasso use photoshop? Did Mozart use garageband?

Tom Cruise insists that he does as many of his own stunts as possible. Julie Taymor has hired at least 15 stuntmen to play Spiderman on Broadway and collect workman's comp. James Cameron created technology to help change actor's faces incase they didn't get it right on the first try. Heaven forbid that you should have to do another take in front of a green screen. Remember when directors would wait a month for the sun to set in between mountains for a good shot? Remember when a whole album would get released rather than a 99 cent single?

Remember when singers would sing a song correctly rather than Milli Vanilli the whole thing? Ever hear that Britney Spears track of her live without the computer assistance? What does Riahanna's voice sound like? Didn't rap used to be cool and not a bullshit pop phenomenon? Why do we hold people in such high regard when they can't do what they are paid millions of dollars to do. Keanu Reeves actually learned Kung Fu for The Matrix. Its like he cares about acting more than being a star. The cast of That Thing You Do learned their instruments. Mark Wahlberg wasn't actually singing in Rockstar. Zemeckis, one of the greatest directors of all time has given up on actors and works on motion capture rather than dealing with makeup and creative solutions. Peter Jackson created real things in LOTR. Actual lines of sight and classic camera tricks alongside the CGI.

George Lucas used to use models for his spaceships, now they look like they belong in The Simpsons. Spielberg ruined Indy with too much CGI. I liked the gopher gag but it was ruined because I didn't believe it. Will Friedkin built a freezer so that breath could be seen in The Exorcist. Now we just digitally add it because heaven forbid someone should be cold.

Auto Tune is the scapegoat I have decided to use for the masses creating false celebrities who have no real tangible talent. Reality TV is another good example of that kind of bullshit, but we all know that they are attention whores anyway. The "professionals" that can't do what they should be able to do and have become lazy are really who are to blame. Theatre used to be an escape, everything you saw was real and actual. Now Taymor ha started the new movement of creating an illusion and ruining the magic.

Christmas Movies

My favorite Christmas Movies:

1. Die Hard
Takes place at Christmas, ends happy, and shit explodes.

2. White Christmas
I watched it when I was a kid, it is classy, there is a bunch of Christmas cheer and hilarity. Also the leads are really good.

3. The Ref
Everyone is spot on with their characters and its a really creative script. The dark side of the Holidays.

4. Bad Santa
I pissed myself watching this. Also there is an asprin and candy corn in an advent calender.

5. Home Alone
Anyone who does not think this movie is awesome is dumb. It exemplifies the true meaning of Christmas believe it or not.

6. A Charlie Brown Christmas
The soundtrack has become iconic and is actually about Christmas rather than just taking place at Christmas.

7. A Christmas Carol
George C Scott's and the Muppets tie.

8. The Santa Clause
This movie is really good. I love Tim Allen so I might be biased but it adds some comedic science to the physics related problems of St. Nick.

9. Joyeux Noel
The WWI Christmas truce for some reason makes me have faith in mankind and that is what this is about.

10. Lethal Weapon
See Die Hard.

11. Christmas Vacation
Much better than when they go to Europe and Randy Quaid kills it.

12. Love Actually
Rowan Atkinson wraps a present. Thats good enough for me.

Netflix

Ladies and Gentlemen of the internet Netflix is the greatest thing you could pay 10 dollars for. I feel like an idiot for not buying stock sooner.

I get a huge collection of movies, obscure ones that I can't get at the store, I don't have to worry about it, its not an issue to get a replacement when something is scratched, it is a more personal experience than going to a store and talking to a person. Weird I know.

I am going to assume that everyone is already a member and not tray and sell anyone on it.

Here are my problems with Netflix:

1. When I say I am not interested in a movie it doesn't go away, it stays there and is continually suggested to me. When I say I am not interested then I don't want to see it again. But it would be nice if there was a tab for those movies I am no longer interested in to go through and see if perhaps I changed my mind.

1 1/2: I would like a tab that will list all movies I have already rated in sections from 5-1 stars just in case I want to see something again. Because a movie I already rated shouldn't be suggested to me. Instant has this to a degree but it should be universal.

2: Bring the Netlfix Friends back. It was cool.

3. Instant needs more titles, they know this and are working on it.

4: Writers and Producers should be searchable. I happen to want to see everything that Mamet wrote but don't want to have to go to IMDB and then back to Netflix to see what that might be.

5. I would like to know what everyone else rated a movie, not just what Netflix might think I would rate it. Both is what I am looking for.

6. Basic vs. Advanced or Generic vs. More Information in regards to summary and cast. I want to be able to have the information, at least to a certain degree that IMDB has about the movies I rate on Netflix.

7. Why are some movies no longer available?

8. More movies per search page.

9. I could also go with a type of movie option or keyword search, i.e. Christmas Movies, movies that involve apes, good soundtracks, movies about writers etc.

We are getting a little particular about shit now but seriously, these would be some good adjustments.
Also I am willing to work as a consultant for your company Netflix.

Thanksgiving

Is Thanksgiving my favorite holiday? No. But I hate what it has become. A gateway drug for Christmas. Do I hate Christmas? No. But it is possible to overload on it. It is the only thing anyone can think about for months. I walked into a Duane Reade on Halloween day, 2:00 pm, They were stocking the shelves with Christmas everything. I simply want a holiday to finish. Thanksgiving is about being thankful for everything you have, and it just so happens that most of those things are food, football, and booze. Three of my favorite things. But that, combined with Black Friday seems to be all that is about.

Have a happy Turkey Day. No, It's not turkey day, what about vegetarians? Happy Gobble Gobble Day. Holy Crap. And now I heard simply, Happy Gobble Gobble.

Rather than give into our gluttony, lets be thankful that small pox has been eradicated.

Be patient Christmas will last a whole month. And it can live in your heart all year long.

Also, to a certain degree Coca-Cola invented Santa Claus to sell more product. The Holiday season seems to be about consumerism. Which is fine, but I wish it was more subtle.

Alien Vs.

    Science Fiction, Sci Fi, Skiffy, SyFy, SF. What a strange genre to define. As far as I am concerned anything with a technical explanation of anything, which is based in what we know so far about science, and is not a true story, is SciFi. Jurassic Park, Inception, Star Wars, Star Trek, Contact, Modern Times, CSI, all SciFi because they have science in them and are fiction. Easy right? Well if thats the case this list could go on and on. Lets just agree that for our purposes we will be talking about stuff in or from space and try to avoid nitpicky overlaps as much as possible. I only want to examine movies that are actually scary and fall under Horror. Just because there are scary moments in ID4 and Empire doesn't mean that they are horror films.
    I have compiled a list of movies that will compete with the movie Alien. If I remember correctly it is considered to be one of the scariest movies of all time, whether in space or not. I agree, and it will be the touchstone against all the other ones. That being said, it seems to me that the best ones happen in space, on a spaceship and not with aliens landing on earth. So here is a list of movies that didn't make the full cut for me to talk about but fall into the genre.

Critters - Stupid.

Cube - Fun when on tv late night, and truly creepy, sometimes, but the sequels are crap and it doesn't have anything to do with space.

Bad Taste - Just not that good.

Xfiles - come on, way too much happens in that show for it to be lumped into another group.

War of the Worlds (either or) - just not really a horror film so much as a survival disaster type thing.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers - The pods didn't have to be from space, they could have just been from the amazon or something.

Predator - Action Movie with a monster. Not a horror movie.

CloverField - we are going to file this under Monster Movie and talk about it later.

Pitch Black - Action Horror but still awesome.

Ok so here we go Lets see what stacks up against Ridley Scott's Alien.

ALIEN VS. THE OTHER ALIEN FILMS:

    Alien, Aliens, Alien3, Alien Resurrection.  In that order are the best to the least. Alien Resurrection is not a bad movie. Its simply the worst of the for and also the worst of Jeunut's as well, But still better than most other movies out there. But its more of an action horror, and I think action trumps horror.
    Ironically this knocks out Aliens as well. But it is without a doubt the single scariest action movie of all time. Two reasons it upped the ante of the first movie and played off of the mythos in a great way. But more importantly, motion detectors. The radar that is used to sense movement acts as a soundtrack for the movie, replacing the need for scary violins. We as the audience can become immersed in the fear with the marines and for whatever reason James Cameron chose the exact right sound and volume for it. The face huggers are more prevalent and they are fucking creepy. I am doubting my decision to cut it out of the running but, I am going to stick with it. Aliens is superb just not so much a pure horror film.
    Which leaves use with Alien3. I like Alien3. Lots of people hate on it. What I think is important to remember is that there were a lot of issues with the studio and delays with script that put a lot of wrenches in a lot of gears. It went back to the idea of a single Xenomorph stalking its prey. Some crazy prison monks who haven't seen a woman in years, no weapons, no power and a few idiots plus lots of vents equal some scary scenes. Its really good and I wish that Fincher was allowed to make the movie he wanted. The technology for the effects wasn't up to snuff and over time it has suffered because of it. It is also more chest pounding anxiety of what is coming than fear. So Alien wins.
  
    So lets talk about Alien for a little while. Gothic horror film in space. Thats what it is. What is particularly interesting in many horror films but more so it seems in space is the idea of isolation and fear of the unknown. Lets all go to a deserted cabin, or into the desert, or in a small town. Well in all of those situations you have to just walk a little ways and you can reach civilization. In space you can't just leave the ship. You have to wait for it to travel a few light years before you can disembark. Isolation, blackness, and the unknown could be the three scariest things in the world. Imagine waking up after sleeping for a few decades and then seeing nothing but darkness around you while discovering you are not where you are supposed to be. People get scared in their own homes when its dark all the time. Kurt Vonnegut wrote a great short story about being in space for the first time called "Thanasphere." It scared the crap out of me when I was 14.
    Now add a giant fucking monster. H.R. Gieger did a great job of creating the thing, and the producers did an even better job of realizing that they should get him to make it in the first place. The lack of eyes and streamlined head and body is what does it. Anything that can see you without eyes is creepy.
    Now through in some small confined air vents that it can move around in so it can be anywhere and if you go in there, you can't move or see. There is even less of a place to go.
    Ridley hired some of the best actors around to be in his movie and it shows. It is a wonderful piece of acting and has some great dialogue. Everyone seems as though they have been on the road for years and are tired of one another. Relationships are informed and executed. Everyone seems to like Hurt as well which makes it even worse when his chest explodes. Also, and this is going to be rough, imagine never having seen Spaceballs, or simply not knowing that eventually someone was going to have an alien come out of them. Thats always hard with classic movies, you hear about them and things are ruined. It makes me want to show it to my kids at an early age so they can experience it for the first time like they should but then my kids would be scarred and start to look like the boy from The Ring and they would be all fucked up. SO I will just have to hope that they don't hear about it before they get to see it.
     Dan O'Bannon said that his inspiration for the face huggers was that he wanted to scare the men in the audience. With that in mind he decided that the scariest thing for a man was Oral Rape. His words. The face hugger looks a little bit like a vagina on the bottom side as well and the body looks like a set of hands that are choking and suffocating you. And they scamper. Scampering is always scary. Why I don't know, but I think because only small things scamper and small things are are to catch. They are also generally more likely to pierce our skin than simply bludgeon us. No one likes it when their skin has a needle in it, well almost no one.
     No one had ever seen anything like the xenomorph and there isn't anything else like it. Even if you kill it chances are it will bleed on you and your face will melt off. All of these are things that are things we don't like, but during this movie we are experiencing them indirectly, through a filter. We don't see someone choking a victim, but we do see hands around a neck.
      After all of that imagine that your doctor tries to shove a magazine down your throat and then bleeds milk and marbles.

EVENT HORIZON
     Not that great of a movie. It seems almost that the only reason its scary is because it is supposed to be. Too much of the fear is on the surface in special effects and set design and gore. All of it is shock value, which is cheap. I'm not really afraid of hell. I don't want to go there but, it is such a sensory overload that my mind shuts down and tells me it isn't real. Sensory overload is a good way to describe it. Hostel is the same way but there is always a spotlight on what we should focus on, a real tangible horrific act. I don't have anything in my life to relate to Event Horizon's version of Bosch's Hell. ALien keeps thigns in the shadows, doesn't show its hand until we have built up to it.  It is a slow churning in the gut rather than a blinding light burning the eyes. Also the acting isn't very good, because there aren't really any well written scenes. Its hard to act well when there is a bad script. Something special has to happen in order for it to be overcome.
    And Joely Richardson is the worst. (quick side note just in case you don't believe it, watch her eat something on screen, in Nip/Tuck she eats a piece of steak and a piece of banana bread, she tries way too hard)

2001:A SPACE ODYSSEY / SUNSHINE / MOON
  
    These are interesting because they aren't really horror films, but are still scary. Moon less so. It is a brilliant movie with a huge fear of the unknown and sense of isolation. I also believe it, in terms of it being possible. There is always an impending fear of what is coming, what is going to happen next. And that sense is hard to get so it deserves some mention.
    Sunshine is proof that Danny Boyle can direct anything. Space, Zombies, Druggies, Coming of age Journey, A childrens film, Love story. Its nuts. Sunshine turns into a horror film after having been a survival drama. There are tense moments of basic ship repairs and standard space snafus but walking into  an abandoned ship covered in dust because, dust is mainly human skin. Reading that in the script is crazy to think about, but Boyle saw it as an opportunity to raise tension and apprehension of what comes next. A man driven crazy by the sun. Literally. After having spliced in some headshots of the ex-crew, ala Friedkin, we finally see what became of them, and a manhunt begins. All while trying to save the world. His tempo and use of angles in his shots as well as light and shadow is eerie. I just wish he had used the focus a little more sometimes towards the end. Also I don't understand why a scalpel would need to vibrate.
     2001:A Space Odyssey. See The Shining. Now Imagine that Jack Nicholson was a computer. A computer who is in charge of everything and can control everything around you. Every movie in space owes a lot to Kubrick. Slow steady build in a cold sterile environment. It is a big investment to sit down and watch and might be better without the vague beginning and end. Once you know what is going on it makes sense but the story telling of something based in science should be a tad clearer.
    All three of these are great films and have some major horror elements to them but they just don't have enough to beat monsters.

PANDORUM

    The trailer and the poster for this film were good and lead to me to approach it in a certain way. The first 20 to 30 minutes of it held up to that agreement. You will put me on a spaceship and weird creepy shti will happen and it will be scary. Ben Foster wakes up from hyper sleep, for his four year shift of running the ship. His body as shrunk and skin has died, he literally no longer fits in his skin and has to shed. Tubes and cables are going in and out of him, he finds another survivor they have no memory and have to figure it out. Then there are some weird noises. It is creepy. Tight spaces, at one point it looks like he will be stuck in a duct forever when he finally gets out it looks like the ship is giving birth to him. At this point The pacing was perfect the suspense was right where it should have been, I knew a reveal was coming up and was all ready to sit back and enjoy the modern day Alien.
    That is when everything got stupid. Post apocalyptic tribal mutant cannibals start attacking. Some French Samoan is awesome at Jedi Gymnastics and some Milla Jovovich wannabe is there to. Some convoluted flashbacks and a silly twist happen after they find the reason for the mutation and then something cool happens. Sincerely, its cool. Remember that these guys were floating adrift unsure of where they were, yada yada, generic space plot? They were underwater the whole time. In looking out the window it looked dark because it was deep. They had already reached their destination and were just sitting in the water thinking that Will Robinson is in danger.It was an interesting way to guarantee a happy ending and add to the notion that it is scary not to know where you are even if it is where you are supposed to be.

THE THING

Not in space, but is Isolated and has an Alien. Normally I would say this is a monster movie but the isolation and the simple fact that you don't ever know who might kill you trumps it. Kurt Russell is the shit, always. Its a simple plot, but something about it, i think its unpredictability again, is scary. This monster never looks the same so you never know what part of it might have a mouth to eat you. There is no escape in the antarctic, and rather than black everywhere its white. I don't have much else to say about that.

Attacking Horror

It dawned on me I'm not writing a thesis. A full article on all of the Horror movies would be crazy long, AND I don't want to write it that way. Everything I do is in one sitting with a stream of consciousness type thing. I've decided to string this along over a few postings and break up the Genre into sub-genres that help me, not necessarily all of them but the ones I want to do because well, fuck it I can do whatever I want. As of right now, We will only list a few and then when I think of some more I'll add them to the list or....whatever.

1. SciFi / Space
2. Slasher
3. Zombie
4. Monster
5. Psychological
6. Supernatural
7. Nature
8. Realistic.
9. Splatter
10. B Movie / Guilty Pleasures

All of these are capable of being movies that are not scary. Except maybe number 9 but, we will only be looking at ones that are frightening. Also bear in mind that I am not always nostalgic, so classics and remakes will get the same treatment and will have to fight with the simple task of standing up today, this means that generally Hammer Films and Vincent Price probably won't be on any of these discussions.

Sci / Space is up first.

Why I hate Frank Darabont

Six years ago I woke up from having an amazing zombie dream. I decided I wanted to make it into a movie, but then realized that zombies can't actually ride motorcycles nor do they wear post apocolyptic armor. It is possible that a Mel Gibson trilogy might have influenced the ending a little bit. Anyway the idea ruminated and matured over the years and I came up with a solid idea that I wanted to drag out over hours and hours of film.

Within the past year a good friend of mine handed me this book called The Walking Dead. It was superb. Then not one week had passed until the internet told me that the Genius behind Shawshank and The Green Mile, was producing it into a TV show. Well my plans went to hell in a handbasket. But then I started thingkng about how it couldn't be any good because it wasn't going to be on HBO or Showtime it wouldn't be violent enough and there might be hope left for me to pioneer or at least create the first good one. And Frank focuses on intense emotional prison dramas. Zombies are scary he can't do that, Thats when I checked out The Mist. It was not bad. Crap

I am really excited to be able to speak about something new that is happening right now. I don't really have the cash to go see a bunch of movies and don't want to only talk about old favorites. I was going to keep up with The Event, watched two episodes and quit. I am pretty sure it isn't very good.

After two episodes of The Walking Dead I am super excited for Frank and his cast, and Robert Kirkman and Tony Moore. So far this is a superbly faithful recreation of the comic, Clearly Frank decided that he didn't want to worry about storyboards or even really writing a script and just faxed the book to everyone. It is almost as spot on as it can be.

There are some tight scenes, that look great are acted well and don't skirt around the gore and violence. I don't love seeing violence but I feel like it is necessary for a zombie story, it helps with the literal horror of what is happening. I'll talk about zombies another time, i don't want to get bogged down by other references and ideas. But I will say I hate the Zombie vs. Infected / Fast vs. Slow debate. Neither is better than the other and both have their place. Romero and Boyle are both equally important in the mythology. Anyway, the point is that these "walkers" are a different breed, a sort of hybrid, Land of the dead smarts and memory with the ability for basic motor skills and simple tools while still moving slow, but also and a 28 Days pep in their step and aggressive nature. I am not going to lie, I had really wanted to do this in my story and probably still will but I am no longer the first. This kind of attitude and energy from the zombies adds some unpredictability which is already there with zombies and Frank has upped the Ante.

Lennie James was awesome. i just remembered his scenes. He was really good.
Also Michael Rooker is cool always.

I still can't believe that this is allowed to be on a non premium channel. Because whoever is their makeup designer has figured out the perfect mixture to make realistic blood. Perfect. It is disgusting and terrible and doesn't make me feel like I am watching corn syrup. It's clear that even with all of the gore and guts, the blood and body parts it is not what Frank has decided to focus on. The human journey and condition, is what made this Book great and I assume it is what caught is interest when he decided to option it. This is evident in the first scene of the first episode.

I am talking about the cop car scene not the looking for gas scene before the credits. Which brings me to the two things I don't like so far. I don't think that the cold open should have been there. It sort of ruins what we are in store for. A pair of guys sitting around eating burgers and trying to figure out women is better. It is one of the most human things we can do. Casual and thoughtless. And then all of the sudden ZOMBIES! There was a car chase 5 minutes later, that should be enough action to start with. The car scene sets the tone better I feel.
The second thing is the song during the aerial shot at the end of the first episode. It ruined the tone and the journey and the fear. It was dumb. The song at the end of episode two however was perfect. That was a great ending.

Other than those two, I guess nitpicky things, I think the show is off to a great start and I love that Frank Darabont is the one who is behind it rather than someone who would sacrifice things and fight to make the show more "mainstream." As an audience member I would like you to make something as good as possible and not dumbed down. I appreciated the Book and am enjoying the show.

In closing, I hate that I am not a part of this show. Jealousy pure and simple.

A quick post script: Kudos to AMC for taking on some daring projects that wouldn't happen otherwise. Mad Man wouldn't survive on one of the big 4. Don Draper and Meth seems to have helped give the network some balls.

Love Stories

I watched a lot of Horror Films before Halloween as per usual and wanted to write about the Genre as a whole. It was a lot to wrap my head around. So much was going on and there are so many sub-genre's and I need to figure out an outline to do it correctly. I would like to put something up and have decided to do the opposing genre, or some might say the same. wakka wakka
(that reminds me I should write about Jim Henson)

Ah, L'amour.

I recently watched Manhattan for the first time and thought it was bogus. It looked really pretty and I liked the pacing and loved the Gershwin, but all of Woody Allen's movies are so similar in that he can't deal with his life or the lead is neurotic and a self serving intellect or there is some lady half his age he is in love with. I just didn't buy a lot of what happened. As is the case with a lot of love stories. There were some great scenes but the movie as a whole didn't do it for me. Rather than talking about some movie I didn't like I think it will be easier for you to understand where I am coming from here by reading this list of my top Romance/Love movies.

1 Say Anything
2 The Notebook
3 Princess Bride
4 Dirty Dancing
5 Beauty and The Beast

Honorable Mention
Love Actually
Shakespeare in Love
Peter Pan
Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
Before Sunrise

I just compiled this list and have realized this might be a super long post. I am going to have to talk about all of them. I think explaining each of these will be a better way for me to explain how I feel about this type of film.

In reverse order:

Before Sunrise
Love at first sight. Awesome. Its something that we all want to believe in. Also it has happened to all of us, and we have spent an entire night with that person. Lost in their eyes and opinions trying new things that we never would have before. Before Sunrise also takes place in an exotic locale which for whatever reason that adds to the romance. Two strangers meet and fall in love but have to leave at dawn the next day. They decided to spend the night exploring the city with one another and fall in love. It ends tragically when they get on their trains after agreeing to meet back at that spot a year later to finally be together. Yes there is hope in the ending and a sequel explains what happens, but I would rather see them trade their tickets in for new ones to them same destination. Happily ever after always leaves you with a good feeling. And thats what I want to see out of a love story. Tragedy doesn't give me much hope for my own life.

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
A tale of unrequited love as well as love that is requited. Lovers crossing the continent to fight for one another. There are Victorian overtones in terms of what is and isn't proper and who can marry who etc. The reason it isn't higher is because the awesome fight scenes easily overshadow the love stories and there is a little bit of tragedy at the end.

Peter Pan
The most recent 2003 live action version. We all know the story but this telling of it ups the ante of the wonder and mystery in the story which allows all of the fantasy to occasionally take a back burner to the love between Peter and Wendy. The subtle looks and eyes and fights and triumphs and smiles that each of these characters are given brilliantly by the actors portraying them and an honest and innocent love story is revealed. The characters are young and don't know what love is or that they are in it. This is what gets me, they don't know how do deal with love just like all of us but the process is simplified because of their age. The interpretation of the characters is written like Wes Anderson's creations. This isn't higher simply because they are younger and the love story is so subtle and not the focus.

Shakespeare in Love
Hysterical and amazing. Some more unrequited love, a parallel to "the greatest love story ever told" but alas, its harder for me to get behind because they don't get to be together in the end. Other than that it's perfect.

Love Actually
I just don't love this movie. So it isn't in the top five. However, I appreciate the interweaving tales from all walks of life and the different portrayals of how love can or cannot pan out. The little stupid things we do when we are in love. I mean STUPID things. What we do to try and get that love returned. The lengths that we will go to and what we will put up with, the sense vulnerability and the embarrassing situations we find ourselves in. All perfectly exemplified, just not one of my favorites.

TOP FIVE

5. Beauty and The Beast
A truly beautiful story. There are several kinds of love going on here. Belle loves her Father and sacrifices her freedom for him. The enchanted servants love their master, and desire to help him, they will also help themselves in the process but you know. Gaston has love for himself which is exemplified in a false love of Belle. And most important Beauty learns to love the Beast. Every time I have been on a date while sporting a full beard this movie pops into my head. What makes the story pure is that it is about pure love. There is nothing on the surface that influences the love. Two characters hate and resent one another then find out what is going on inside and make each other better give each other experiences that they never would have had otherwise. I mean thats all we really want anyway isn't it. New and exciting things and someone to inspire and make us better.
My favorite parts are as follows: Gift of the Library, "It would give me great pleasure if you would join me for dinner!...please.". Fighting of the wolves, the anger and ferocity in the beasts eyes when he threatens Belle, (only true love can make someone that angry). Also, the songs are good.

4. Dirty Dancing
This movie is fucking sexy. Thats why it trumps Beauty and the Beast. It makes me want to bone. The songs are better, the character growth isn't limited to the feelings for one another but in their individual growth. Swayze and Grey make new decisions and become adults. They fight for themselves and one another. It is one of those classic prince falls in love with the pauper type tales. I always like those. Romeo and Juliet has two character from the same status fall in love and when ever a Princess falls in love with a Street Rat, as it were, it always adds an extra level to the story.

3.  The Princess Bride
Classic Fantasy Love Story. Everything that should be in any other movie as well. Villians, monsters, sword fights, chases, jokes, stages of a journey that must be passed, pirates, more jokes, magic, learning how to bluff. What is interesting about this is that they are automatically in love from the get go the fight and discovery is getting back there. Two lovers become separated and must get back to one another. Thats what I like The fight to be together. Things don't get bogged down by status, or social mores, or having to check a box yes or no, or making the right impression, just true love. I don't want to speak out of place but I think every lady wants to be whisked away by a mysterious man and go on wonderful adventures and end it all in a kiss, I know that I would really like to have a sword fight fighting for the one I love and then defeating the villain trying to take her away from me so that she can run to me and then we can sail away or something. I mean think about it, that would be awesome. I don't think there is a bigger aphrodisiac than a sword fight or a rescue.

2. The Notebook
Yes I know it ends tragically but not before a full life of living together. Thats the key. Very rarely do we get to see that the happily ever after actually. This time we know that it happens. James Garner brilliantly plays self sacrifice and willingness, if not joy, to take his time to read to the woman he loves. Leaving her side is not an option. That is true love, that kind of self sacrifice. Now, I prefer the younger story which is the bulk of the film. Remember what I said earlier about doing stupid things for love? Well climbing  ferris wheel is dumb. What is really attractive is the playfulness, McAdams and Gosling were brilliantly cast and spend the whole movie playing with one another. They have wonderful passionate fights that don't matter and laugh all the time. Its another Princess and Pauper story. They deal with the obstacles that stem because of that and rise above them. The two lovers share joy and life not common interests. That is what I think I like. No matter what, distance and time, they simply like being in one another's company. That is what is important. I enjoy stories that take place in a different time, just like a foreign country it adds to the romance.  It is also interesting to note, that the characters don't really grow or change. It's because they don't have to in each other's eyes they are already perfect. Also, I have changed my mind, building a house trumps a sword fight as an aphrodisiac.

1. Say Anything
Oh man. I love this fucking movie. Everything about it is perfect. Falling in love with Ione Skye or John Cusack is simple and easy. Both of them are so awkward and graceful at the same time. Every experience that we all had in high school with love is told in this one story, lots of these experiences happen over four years with several people but this happens in a single summer with one person. Its everything that we want out of our love lives. The pacing and editing and story telling and music, and acting and script and tone of shots are all perfect. Lloyd gets so awkward Diane is so understanding, Diane gets so scared and Lloyd gets so protective. The last shot of this film exemplifies in every possible way what it means to love someone with all of your heart. No kiss can describe the situation better. To be in love is to be terrified and to take risks and put everything on the line, to leave everyone else who loves you and whom you love behind for something greater, it dare to be great, to jump blindly into a void screaming geronimo all the way down because the love that you have will give you wings, To get so angry and heart broken to become completely open and naked and be comfortable with it. In Your Eyes while in the back of a car under a blanket shivering and being held. Moving glass out of the way. Giving pens as gifts. Giving freedom with a watchful eye. Again staying out until the son comes up with no particular agenda in mind. Becoming involved in and proud of the things that someone that love loves. No fantasy, no magic, time period, no common interest, no trick aphrodisiacs, nothing except love. Simple and new and scary.

That geronimo line is from Conspiracy Theory but it is a good one for this situation.