Thursday, October 21, 2010

Wonder Woman

I can't sleep. All I can think about, for whatever reason, is Wonder Woman. I don't even like her. I think thats the problem. I want to. But I don't really know anything about her. And now I'm hearing all this stuff about her being revamped in the comics, and a movie falling through so it might turn into a tv series. I just don't care. She is the third part of the Justice League triumvirate. Superman, we spoke about, Batman, we will, and Wonder Woman.

I am not a comic expert by any means and I have some friends who are so I can't speak too much about any of that because they have done it better. I want to speak about my limited experience and what I would like to see in order to get me excited. Something that I could invest in and want to stick with.

First this new costume that she has... Terrible. Google it. She looks like Wonder this is what is hip and trendy Teenage Girl. The old costume that is iconic is not that great either. Granny panties with stars is all I can think. There isn't enough and too much at the same time. Is she Amazonian or American? I was told that what happened is she flew from her island, in her invisible jet, and was adopted by America during the golden age and helped fight Nazi's.

That is too much for me. She needs to die. I know I just said that about Superman. This is different. In order to change the feeling of the Superman movies he should die, doesn't need to in the comics, he is good to go there. Wonder Woman does need a new identity but it needs to be her own and should stem from her roots. But before all that we need to help recreate her world.

Name a Superman Villain. Batman. Spiderman. X-men. Now name Wonder Woman's nemesis.

I had to wikipedia it and I barely recognized 3 names.

She lives on an island entrenched in greek mythology and culture, all of these ancient gods and legends should still be around and still fighting and fucking shit up. I read a book once, by I don't know who, called The God of Impertinence. Essentiall, Hephestes took over Zeus' kingdom with science and math and used that rather than magic to rule. Hermes had been trapped in a volcano and broke out, he fixed things. It was cool. Lets do that, bring that shit back. Kratos, from the God of War video games kicked some serious god ass. Ares was a villain listed on wikipedia, lets get the whole zodiac involved. ToddMcfarlane already has some cool zodiac toys. Steal them.

THIS is what needs to happen. Wonder Woman dies in an epic battle through time. Because she was back in time when she wasn't supposed to, the fates get pissed that their plan is altered, they wait until present day and then bring her back from the dead. When she is brought back, all of the ancient gods and evildoers sneak out with her. BOOM new villains, her and Shazam can team up, get Black Adam to see the gravity of the situation and help out.

She has lost all memories and powers. She is a child. She grows quickly and learns fast so it only takes two issues and a little bit of real time before she is out on her own. She has to start in regular island clothes and travel the world to get pieces of armor and gifts from the gods in order to get her powers back and protect her home and defeat the evil that she helped awaken. She stops in Gotham first. A belt which gives her speed and agility is on display at a museum, Maxie Zeus is trying to steal them. She doesn't understand he is an idiot, and because he is a crappy villain she wins easily with a little help from Batman who has been watching her since she got there. He knows what is going on the whole time but promised her mother not to tell her everything because it was something she needed to do on her own.

Heroes have to pretend to not know her and give her some training. She gets a breastplate that giver her strength and invulnerability last. Because she can't rely on the strength and has to hone her other skills for when she is evenly matched. Superman helps with this. The Flash, speed. Green Lantern, Flight from Herme's sandals etc. Now her costume consists of pieces of armor and it looks like she is a warrior. Alex ross has a good drawing of this I believe. Every time she takes her armor off she is mortal. Now there is some danger. Later on one of Zeus' lightning bolts hits her and fuses her mowers to her anatomy or some bullshit. Now she doesn't need the armor. Maybe America helps save her Island or something and she adopts them as well.

Also, She needs a skirt, that layered armor skirt. It can be blue, it can have stars, but she can't have granny panties. She can't have a thong. A skirt is the way to go.

Now all of this can happen and be merged into the tv show that will not star Megan Fox, because she is a terrible actress who has overrated looks. Also, I don't ever want the invisible jet to come back for nostalgia or some kind of cameo easter egg crap.

Also, I always feel like she is the Thor of DC. Grunting and making ridiculous ancient references. That is mainly the cartoons. Add some femininity and some maternal instincts. Get some other amazons to ask her to cut off her breast and she refuses to because she shouldn't have to mutilate herself in order to do what a man can do. Deal and work on it and then kick some guy's ass. That is what I want to see.

Also, these zodiac guys shouldn't be all bad. Some ancient cult or something with a senate and some of them are good. I mean thats, 12 new characters with design jumping off points, easily recognizable and have potential for their own book.

Listen to me DC. Stay tuned and I will tell you what I want to see in the next Batman movie. Fair warning: I want it to be about 6 hours long.

1 comment:

  1. I have been Catching up on SMALLVILLE. Lois goes to a Con and wears a pseudo Wonder Woman outfit. This is headed in the right direction.